


Angel Devil

by junjun_pon



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drama, Fluff, Infidelity, M/M, Romance, Schizophrenia, Secrets, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:10:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1942398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junjun_pon/pseuds/junjun_pon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nino struggles to keep himself alive and sort through his emotions regarding infidelity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past: Nino attempts suicide  
> Present: Nino enjoys his time with Ohno despite swirling in negative thoughts.

        Sweat drips from his forehead and down his pale neck. The bathroom fan buzzes loudly and his reflection peeks past the messy fog on the toothpaste spattered mirror. His lips tremble as he makes eye contact with himself, a rusted box-cutter blade purposefully resting against his neck. He grips the metal handle of the blade tight enough to turn his knuckles white. His muscles tense to make the move. He shuts his dusty brown eyes tightly, his face turning to a grimace. He hears his heart racing, every beat pounding against his eardrums; he can feel it.

        “Blood…I’ve seen blood before,” he whispers to himself, parting his dry lips, “It’s just my blood…it won’t hurt.”

        He presses the blade to his skin and feels it sink in as his breath becomes labored and his hand begins to shake. He tries to hold it steady with his free hand but lets out a frustrated cry.

        “Fuck!” He pulls the blade from his neck and throws it against the sandy counter top. The heavy metal chips off a flake of the stone and hits the tile floor with a jarring clatter. He lets out another frustrated cry and crumples to the ground. Crouching, he puts his hands over his face and lets out a gentle sob. It’s dark behind his hands, the pink shine of healed cut scars on his wrists laugh at him for all his previous failures.

        “Why can’t I do it?!” he says, running his short fingers through his hair and pulling enough to induce him to scream with rage. “It’s not that fucking hard!”

        “Tadaima~” a soft voice says from the other room as the front door shut, shaking the bathroom door, “Kazu? Are you home?”

\------

        _My name is Ninomiya Kazunari and I hate myself. Nothing about me is good. I’m ill natured, annoying, cheap, and worst of all, selfish. I want to die. I’ve tried many ways, suffocation, drowning, medications and alcohol, and lastly, cutting._

_…_

_I have a wonderful life, a loving boyfriend, a nice home, friends…No one knows what I think about, what I’m going through. I choose to say nothing and hide the evidence._

_…_

_What’s wrong with me? I should get help…but…_

_…_

_I am Ninomiya Kazunari, and I want to die._

_**You need to die…**_

\------

        “Ow…Oh-chan,” Nino moans face down in a fluffy white pillow, “Don’t grab so hard.”

        Ohno chuckles and thrusts his member hard into Nino, gripping him tighter. Nino can’t help but moan loudly but then whines and turns his head to look over his bare shoulder.

        “I said you’re grabbing too hard!” he says, glaring, “Sho-chan will ask about the bruises again!”

        Noting the serious tone in his lover’s voice, he loosens his grip on Nino’s hips but continues to thrust slowly. Nino turns his head back and pushes his hips back against Ohno’s causing Ohno to grunt.

        “I love when you actually try, baby,” Ohno says, his voice smooth and low.

        “Shut up, old man,” Nino snaps, “I do try!”

        Ohno moans deep in his throat and picks up the pace. He loved Nino’s sharp tongue, especially when they were fucking. The soft bed creaks loudly underneath them.

        “Fuck, Kazu, your ass is always so tight!” Ohno groans, thrusting quickly. He spanks Nino’s left ass cheek hard with a loud ‘smack’.

        Nino cries out in pleasure as Ohno simultaneously spanks him and hits his sensitive spot, “Ahn~ Oh-chan!” Nino moans, “Come inside me!”

        Ohno licks his lips, “Here I come, baby.” He moans low and whispers under his breath and pulls Nino as close to him as possible. Nino relaxes his body and lies limply, mewling softly. Ohno releases inside Nino, thrusting slowly.

        “Oh-chan…” Nino whispers, “You’re amazing.”

        Ohno pulls out slowly and lies down on the bed, enjoying the soft fitted sheet against his sweaty tan skin.

        Nino still lies face down, but curls his legs under his body into a fetal position shape. He turns his head to face Ohno and gives a tired, warm smile.

        “There’s my cute boy,” Ohno says tenderly, returning the smile. He sits up and pulls the light tan blankets that had fallen off the bed up and over Nino’s naked body, “You’ll get cold.”

        Nino plops on his side and curls up next to Ohno, “You’re such a gentleman afterward…what’s up with that?” Nino says. Ohno welcomes Nino into his arms and steals some of Nino’s blankets.

        “I’m always a gentleman, you’re just pissed because I spanked you,” Ohno chuckles.

        “Am not!” Nino whines. He sticks his bottom lip out and pouts. Ohno pokes Nino’s lip with his finger.

        “No pouting.”

        “I can pout all I want!” Nino complains.

        “You’re cuter when you smile,” Ohno replies. Nino blushes and stops pouting. He looks past Ohno toward the sleek black digital alarm clock on the bedside table.

        “What time does Sakurai-san come back?” Ohno asks.

        Nino squints and reads the time, “Two hours. He gets off work at 7:30…”

        “Then I should get going…” Ohno whispers and pulls away from Nino.

        Nino pulls him back and whines. He doesn’t want to let Ohno leave so early, otherwise he’d be lonely until Sho arrives back home.

        “Just one more hour?” Nino pleads.

        “I can’t, Kazu. That’s cutting things too close for me. I’m sorry…” Ohno says, “But I can help you clean up if you want.”

        Nino nods and sits up, “I need to clean myself first…but if you want to take the sheets off the bed…”

        “I can do that, go clean yourself,” Ohno replies.

        Nino nods and slides out of the bed and shuffles his naked body to the bathroom where he disappears. He shuts the door behind him and locks it. He sighs heavily and looks at himself in the mirror. He murmurs, “You’re such a slut, Kazunari…” His eyes are dead and cold, a complete opposite mood then he shows Ohno.

        Meanwhile, Ohno puts his boxers back on and strips the dirty sheets off the bed. He crumples them up and tosses them aside. He searches around the room for some new sheets but the trail came up cold. He spends the rest of the time putting his white dress shirt and jeans back on. He fumbles with the grey buttons while looking at the frames photos of Nino and Sho together on their vacation from a few months prior.

        Nino opens the door to the bathroom and Ohno turns away from the photos and strolls toward Nino.

        “You all squeaky clean?” he asks.

        Nino nods and gives Ohno a soft smile, “I’m all clean! You couldn’t find the clean sheets?”

        “No, I didn’t want to dig around too much, that would be awkward,” Ohno replies. Ohno leans over and kisses Nino’s cheek, “You’re so cute, don’t change, baby.”

        Nino blushes a soft pink and blinks, “W-what do you mean? Where’d that come from?”

        “Nowhere, I just think you’re cute!” Ohno says, kissing him again.

        Nino opens a small closet door and pulls out a set of light green sheets and begins making the bed. Ohno just watches and continue buttoning up his shirt. He hums a random popular song to himself as Nino makes the bed rather sloppily.

        When Nino finishes, he opens a light blonde wood dresser’s drawer and pulls out a pair of boxers and red and brown plaid checked shorts. He sits on the edge of the bed. Ohno joins him and just watches.

        “Why are you watching me, old man?” Nino chuckles.

        “Why not? I stared at your ass for twenty minutes straight, and you’re embarrassed about this?” Ohno retorts.

        Nino rolls his eyes and chuckles as he slips his boxers on with both legs and then slides his shorts up afterward. He stands up and pulls them up all the way and fastens his shorts. Ohno continues staring at Nino.

        “Stop staring, old man!” Nino whines, holding back a snarky smile.

        “Okay okay,” Ohno says, defeated. He stands up and starts putting his black leather wallet, car keys, and random receipts from the liquor store, into his pockets. “By the way, I’m only thirty; I’m not old yet…”

        “Well I’m only twenty-three, so that makes you an old man,” Nino replies. He gets up and sticks his tongue out. He hugs Ohno tightly, “We should go out to dinner soon, okay?”

        Ohno smiles, “Of course, baby. I’ll text you later tonight.”

        Nino nods and leads Ohno to the front door, “Bye bye, Oh-chan.” They kiss rather passionately and Ohno leaves.

        He sighs lightly and sits on the couch for a bit and plays with the faux suede trim of a green throw pillow, “Why are you such a slut, Kazunari…?” he mumbles, “You already have someone…why are you playing with this other guy?” He hugs the pillow and pulls his legs onto the couch. He stares at a dark stain on the carpet and he begins to doze off as he sways gently side to side.

        _**You’re such a slut! You have a boyfriend. You’ve been together for four years already! What are you doing, you sick fuck?!** _

_I don’t know…I…_

_**You’re such an unhappy person, you’re scum of the earth, cheater. You should just go and die…** _

_But…I love Sho-chan…I…I couldn’t leave him alone…_

_**Then why are you cheating with that old man?** _

_I…I don’t know…he’s nice…_

_**So you’d just go and fuck any guy who’s nice?** _

_N-no! I—_

_**You don’t deserve anyone. You’re tainted.** _

_But—_

_**You. Are. Worthless.** _

_…_

_**…** _

_…maybe—maybe you’re right._

        The front door to the apartment unlocks and stumbling footsteps wake Nino from his impromptu nap. Ohno had tired him out and hour and a half before.

        “Kazu, baby, you here?” Sho looks around the room and lays his eyes on a sleepy shadow of Nino. He flips the light switch up to turn the light on. “Were you sleeping? Didn’t you go to work today?”

        Nino shakes his head and gets up from the couch, rubbing his eyes, “No, I got called and they told me not to come in to work…”

        Sho nods as if he understood, “That’s weird, they’ve been doing that a lot to you lately…do you think they are going to fire you?”

        “I don’t think so, they’re just over-staffed. The convenience store can only have so many people working, Sho-chan,” Nino replies.

        Sho smiles brightly, “Yeah, I know, I know, just try to work a bit more…we need to pay bills.”

        Nino just nods silently and shuffles off to the bedroom and lies down. Sho follows him.

        “You made the bed again! Well at least you’re doing something,” he says plopping on the bed, the pillows bouncing around, and one falling down off the side of the bed.

        “Mmm…yeah…” Nino replies.

        _ **Yeah, you’ve really been doing something, Kazunari.** _

_But—_

_**Slutty Kazunari. Tsk Tsk** _

_St-stop!_

**_Not going to…until you die…_ **


	2. On Numbness and Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past: Nino recalls how he and Ohno met.  
> Present: Nino juggles his everyday relationships with both men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize ahead of time, this story is not only confusing for the characters involved, but also confusing for me. I attempted to make it in a similar form as the previous chapter in that it begins with a past moment, includes an inner monologue, and concludes with a present moment.  
> Just hang in there with me on this one. I myself am not entirely sure how it will end!

        After her arrives home from his part-time job at a local convenience store, Nino sits on the couch in his uniform, sipping a beer that has slowly become warm and flat. He half-heartedly wonders whether Sho will be home for dinner as he abandons the warm beer for a new, cooler one from the refrigerator. Suddenly he receives a text message.

        [Sho <3]: Hey babe, I won’t be home tonight again -_- Work is having me write a report for tomorrow’s news.

        Nino stares at the text and sighs, he looks hurt and shuts down almost completely. He replies simply, with an edge.

        [Kazu]: k

        He gets an immediate response back.

        [Sho <3]: Don’t be that way, Kazu. You know my job is important :(

        Nino takes in a sharp breath and wants to just throw the phone into the floor, but he recovers and replies one last time.

        [Kazu]: I’m sorry

        His response is empty, but out of the many things he could say, it is the best option in order not to hurt Sho. Sho replies.

        [Sho <3]: You don’t have to apologize, baby. Just understand that I need to work to keep us living well and keep the nice apartment. Have a good night, okay? :)

        Seeing the message, Nino refuses to reply, hoping that Sho would change his mind; it will never happen.

        He finishes his beer and instead of dressing for bed, he dresses for going out. Figuring he doesn’t want to hang around trashy bars with scary people, he dresses nicely and heads to a classy bar, tucked in between two large buildings, down a set of stairs.

        It’s dimly lit with young couples and small groups sitting along the outside walls. Only a few men are resting alone at the bar with a drink in hand. After getting his ID checked, Nino enters and seats himself at the back corner of the bar. He feels strange going to such a place without Sho, but it is refreshing nonetheless. Nino enjoys the sense of danger of being alone and buzzed, and he revels in it.

        By a suggestion from the bartender, he orders some beer from a local brewery and waits patiently, taking in his surroundings. After getting a few strangers to leave him alone, most of the night, he was unbothered in his corner having drunk more than he should have including a few shots. He is out of money so he opts to leave. Sliding off his barstool, he feels dizzy and giggles a bit from how fuzzy his head is. A thought glides through his head. What if he was murdered or hit by a car because he was so intoxicated? How would Sho feel? The thought almost makes him smirk when he has trouble opening the doors. He pulls on the door from the inside, but the button clearly states “push.” Rattling the door, someone helps him out and lets him out onto the sidewalk.

        “I’ll just go home…” he says to himself rather loud. Only a few feet from the door he feels a wave of nausea rush in. He is no good with holding alcohol, gets drunk easily, and usually vomits at home regardless.

        He giggles and stumbles onto the sidewalk and scrapes up the palms of his hands. There is barely a person in sight as most people have settled in the surrounding bars and restaurants. The thought of running into the street flies through his brain once again, but instead of getting up to run, he vomits all over the sidewalk rather dramatically. Coughing and heaving, he begins to cry because his abdominal muscles burn. Any person near him watches instead of helps. Feeling dizzy again, he wavers and then falls onto his side on the sidewalk. He rolls himself onto his back and groans, getting tunnel vision. He’s about to black out.

        …

**You should have run in front of that shiny white sports car. Then everyone would see how bloody you are on the inside.**

        ...

        Nino’s body heaves once more, causing him to vomit, but in his position, he chokes on it. He takes no notice since he’s already on the verge of blacking out.

        A man with short perfectly-molded dark brown hair and heavily tanned skin sees that Nino is choking and rolls him onto his side so Nino can cough out any vomit stuck in his throat. Nino coughs hard a few times and recovers slowly. Still in the brink of blacking out, he doesn’t respond to the man’s calls of “are you alright?” and “where do you live?”

        He’s out.

        The man hails a taxi and carefully carries the dangerously drunk Nino to it. The man stares longingly at Nino. “You poor thing…”

        The next morning, Nino wakes up in a futon and wearing someone else’s clothes. Drowsy and with a headache, he looks around confused. He rubs his eyes.

        “Where am I?” he says softly. It finally hits him; he’s in a stranger’s apartment. He panics a bit since he cannot remember anything the before past his last drink at the bar.     He rubs his eyes once again.

        “Ah, you’re awake!” says a voice quietly entering the room.

        When Nino’s eyes refocus, he sees the man with dark hair from the night before, doesn’t recognize him. Nino pulls the comforter up to his chin, looking fearful, “Who are you? Where the hell am I? You didn’t do anything gross to me, did you?” he says quickly.

        The man chuckles, “I didn’t do anything, I only saved you from choking on your own vomit.”

        “Vomit?” Nino says wincing. His head pounds.

        “Yeah, kid, you were about dying on the sidewalk. You suck at drinking,” the man says. He’s carrying a tray with some toast, eggs and a glass of water and some pain killers, “I’m Ohno Satoshi. This is my place.” Ohno places the food on Nino’s lap.

        Nino stares at the food and feels icky again, but hungry at the same time. Ohno leaves the room to give Nino some space, but watches from a distance once and a while. Nino picks at his food but eventually eats at least half before giving up, taking the medicine Ohno left him, and lying back down. He faces the open part of the room; it’s all full of painting supplies and is rather messy.

        Ohno arrives back in the room and sits on the floor next to the futon, in the direction Nino is facing. They make eye contact and both blush shyly. Nino averts his gaze.

        “I’m Ninomiya Kazunari…sorry for all this trouble,” he says softly still blushing, “Thank you for helping me.” For a second, Nino enjoys how Ohno has a calming effect on him, unlike Sho, who makes him tense much of the time.

        “It’s completely all right. I couldn’t stand to watch such a cutie as yourself struggle,” Ohno says with a smile, a blush still faintly present. “People on the street can be assholes…”

        Nino gives Ohno a cute smile, “I owe you my life then.”

        Ohno hesitates, “Ah, it’s nothing like that! Just doing a good deed.” He stumbles on his words a bit, “May I have your phone number then?”

Nino giggles, “Okay.”

 

\--------

_My name is Ninomiya Kazunari, and I hate myself. I’ve taken up drinking to numb myself so when Sho-chan rejects me, I don’t hurt as much._

_We’ve been together for a few years now, and he’s happy, but I’m not anymore._

_I know he cares, but he can be mean sometimes._

_He’s gone from home a lot because of his job, but he never once has tried to reschedule. If our plans fall through, he never tries to make new ones. He says that he doesn’t want to disappoint me. I already am._

_It’s lonely at home during the night. Our neighbors fight with each other; I just wish we’d fight once. Sho-chan avoids conflict at all costs. I just want him to let me be mad for a good long while, but that’s impossible._

_He loves me, but I don’t know how I feel anymore._

_I’m confused._

_I am Ninomiya Kazunari, and I’ve fallen in love with another man._

**_You don’t deserve love._ **

\--------

 

        “Just order what you’d like, Kazu…” Ohno says, carefully scrutinizing the menu. They took the train to a nearby town known for their Spanish cuisine.

        Nino looks conflicted, “But it’s all so expensive!”

        “Just choose what you want. Don’t worry about money. I’m paying,” Ohno replies.

        After finding something that was moderately priced, he orders and then gazes at Ohno.

        “What?” Ohno says, handing the waiter their menus.

        “You always look so relaxed, how do you do it?” Nino asks.

        Ohno scratches his head and leans in, “Well, I’ll let you in on a secret.” Nino leans in as well, excited. “It’s my manliness I suppose.”

        Nino doesn’t look amused, “Yeah, old manliness…Oh-chan, you’re such a tease!”

        “On the contrary,” he replies and grins, sipping his glass of water. Nino sits back in his chair and sighs heavily, looking out the window.

        “Something bothering you?” Ohno says, looking out the window to in case Nino was watching something.

        “No…I just feel bad for Sho-chan is all…” Nino replies. Ohno looks at Nino and seems a bit sad. Ohno hates when Nino talks about Sho. “He took the night off from work and planned out a whole dinner with me, but I told him I already made plans with some friends.”

        “Oh, friends as in me?” Ohno asks.

        “Yeah, but I won’t say who you are…he’ll get suspicious.”

        “Mmm. Well you’re giving him payback for all the times he pushed you aside, ne?”

        Nino turns his eyes to Ohno and his gaze is fiery, “Exactly! He left me alone for two years. It’s my turn to do what I want!”

        Ohno chuckles nervously but nods regardless. Ohno feels bad that he’s the one that started the affair, but he loves Nino dearly and dotes on him in every possible way. Nino never takes things from Ohno selfishly and gives back the same or more. Trying to turn around the strange atmosphere, Ohno unwraps his straw, which was resting unused on the table, and blew into the open end, causing the wrapper to fly off and hit Nino in the nose.

        “Ah!” Nino yelps, rubbing his nose, “Oh-chan, don’t scare me like that!” Despite his angry tone, he giggles and eventually a bright smile forms. Nino is completely refocused on Ohno. “You always do weird stuff like that. Save it for your paintings!”

        “Well right now, I’m envisioning a portrait of your scrunched up face. It may fetch a great price!” Ohno muses.

        Nino smirks. Their food arrives and smells delicious. Ohno eyes Nino’s choice.

        “Don’t even try, old man,” Nino bites.

        “What? Taking your food, or painting an ugly portrait of you?” he replies, quite content.

        “BOTH,” Nino says shoveling food in his mouth. After swallowing a bunch, he gives Ohno a playful glare, “I’ll tell your buyers that you pick your nose and use your snot to color your paintings.”

        Ohno rolls his eyes and begins to eat, “You’re such a child, Kazu.”

        Nino’s glare turns dark, “You like it.”

        Ohno doesn’t hesitate, “Yes, Yes I do” he says chewing his food slowly.

        Later that night, Ohno offers Nino a walk home, but he declines.

        “I don’t need you to walk me home, Oh-chan,” Nino says, clinging to the front of Ohno’s coat. “I’m capable of walking on my own.”

        “Well it’s really dark already, and you still have a ways to go,” Ohno retorts. “But…if you’re sure…just text me when you get home, okay?”

        Nino nods and kisses Ohno’s lips softly, “I’ll make sure of it.” They hug tightly, kiss each other once more and Nino walks off, leaving Ohno in the dark.

_I wish I could stay with Oh-chan all the time._

**_So you hate your real, longtime boyfriend?_ **

_No, I think we just need some time apart….when it’s my idea to be apart._

**_…_ **

_Sho-chan doesn’t appreciate me._

**_So that’s an excuse to cheat. Maybe you don’t appreciate him?_ **

_That’s not true. I’m glad Sho-chan gives me a place to live and stuff but—_

**_— but you’d rather sleep around instead…_ **

_I’m not saying that. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? Plus, Sho-chan still loves me._

**_Not always, and so does the man you’re cheating with, you scumbag. You can’t have both._ **

_Of course I can._

**_You don’t deserve anyone’s love._ **

_Everyone does!_

**_Not everyone. Those people just waste away lonely, ignored. You might as well just off yourself. It may save you some pain, don’t you think?_ **

_I don’t agree with that._

**_Just think about it for a while…_ **

 

        Nino arrives home late. Sho is sitting on the couch in his pajamas waiting up for him.

        “Ah, you’re home! What took you so long?” Sho asks, hugging Nino after he makes his way to the door.

        “I was with friends,” Nino says bluntly.

        “ Well did you drink?”

        “No?”

        “Then what took you so long?”

        “Why do you need to know any more? I was with some of my good friends at a restaurant!”

        “Ah, okay…I suppose. You don’t go out much anyway…”

        Nino feels hurt, but he keeps up appearances. He can’t let Sho know about Ohno. “I’m going to bed then,” Nino says.

        Sho follows him, “May I join you?”

        Nino thinks for a couple seconds, “Okay.” He heads to the bathroom and starts the bath. He takes his phone from his pocket and texts Ohno.

        [Kazu]: Oh-chan, I made it home safe :3 You don’t have to worry!

        He gets a quick response.

        [Old man]: Thanks goodness! I just started painting your snarly face!

        Nino chuckles.

        [Kazu]: Don’t sell it! I want….to burn it!

        [Old man]: Not a chance ;) Good night my love~

        [Kazu]: Night night Oh-chan~ :3

        He takes roughly 20 minutes to bathe himself and he puts on some light pajamas. Sho is already waiting on the bed, grinning. “You take so long!” Sho whines.

        “Sorry, you know I like baths…” Nino says passively. He climbs into the bed and Sho moves immediately on top of him, kissing his neck slowly, pulling Nino’s small body closer.

        Nino doesn’t react, just stays stiff and projects how uncomfortable he is.

        Sho stops. “Is something wrong?”

        “Ah, well…I just feel a little sick from dinner I think…” Nino lies.

        Sho moves away slightly, “Oh, do you need anything?”

        Nino shakes his head.

        “Just let me know if you need anything, okay?” Sho says sweetly, kissing Nino’s forehead.

        Nino nods, “Okay…” He allows Sho to pull him close despite how awkward he feels.

 

_You’re right, I don’t deserve love…_

**_You should always listen to me._ **


	3. The Cheater and the Cheated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Past: Ohno and Nino christen their new relationship with some sexy time.  
> Present: Sho tries to be more available to Nino to make up for lost time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter update! So it has been decided that there will be a total of 6 chapters in this fic! We're halfway there! Thanks to all of you who have supported my work thus far ;)

        They touch their noses together, lying in Ohno’s small and well-worn futon at his apartment. Nino blushes and keeps his gaze locked with Ohno’s. Ohno smiles warmly.

        “Your nose is cold,” Ohno says. Nino sighs lightly with a small smile.

        “It’s always cold,” he says softly.

        Ohno pulls away and comes back with a gentle kiss on the tip of Nino’s nose, a hand resting lightly against Nino’s cheek and neck. Nino closes his eyes and continues to smile.

        “We’ve been together for a couple weeks now…” Ohno says giving Nino a peck on the lips.

        “Mmm, so?” Nino says. Ohno hesitates and blushes, but kisses Nino once more.

        “Don’t you think it’s about time…?” Ohno replies. Nino is confused.

        “What do you mean?”

        “Well…you know…we really like each other and stuff…so…”

        Nino pushes Ohno away playfully and chuckles, “You want sex?”

        Ohno’s blush gets rosier, “Ah…well,” he starts, “well, yeah!” He tries to assert himself as manly. Nino chuckles once more.

        “You can be so awkward,” Nino says cuddling back against Ohno’s body. He kisses Ohno’s cheek. “I don’t mind,” Nino says. He wraps his arms around Ohno’s neck and presses their lips together. Ohno slides his hands along Nino’s back.

        “You sure?” Ohno asks against Nino’s lips.

        “I want you,” Nino replies. It’s as if Nino opened the floodgates. Ohno is immediately all over Nino’s body, giving him little kisses on his neck. Nino pulls back a bit and takes his shirt off to give Ohno more room to spoil him. Ohno takes the offer and kisses Nino sweetly along his collarbones and shoulders.

        Skin already flushed and feeling Ohno hard, rubbing himself against his leg, Nino stops Ohno briefly again, “Ne, let me treat you too.” Ohno grins.

        “Sounds good to me!” he chimes. Nino hits him playfully.

        “Don’t make it sound like that…” Nino says pulling himself out from under Ohno’s weight.

        Ohno strips himself and strokes him member, waiting for Nino to finish undressing himself. Without words, Nino takes Ohno’s member in his hand and licks slowly up the side to the tip. He suckles on the tip for a while before taking it into his mouth. Ohno moans low, resting a hand loosely on the back of Nino’s head. He enjoys surveying Nino’s naked body with his eyes, just as much as watching Nino suck him off.

        Nino sucks Ohno hard because of Ohno pleasured reaction. “Ah, Ninomiya-san…” Ohno moans. Nino takes a quick break to catch his breath, “Call me Kazu.” He winks and Ohno chuckles.

        Tension in Ohno’s body reaches its peak and he gently pushes Nino away, “Let’s save it for later, hm?” Nino nods, out of breath. Nino lies on his back and lets Ohno spoil him with kisses and touches again.

        He grabs some lube from a nearby drawer and applies some to Nino’s entrance. Nino shivers.

        “It’s cold,” he says in a daze.

        “It’ll warm up soon,” Ohno replies, stretching Nino’s hole while stroking Nino’s neglected member. The younger writhes in pleasure.

        "O-Oh-chan,” Nino says softly, “It’s been a while…”

        “Don’t worry, I’ll go slow,” Ohno says rubbing lube on his member and positioning it again Nino’s entrance. He pushes in slowly earning a pained whimper from Nino. Ohno stops moving and leans over Nino’s body, kissing his neck, moving to his lips, “It’s okay, baby, just focus on us kissing.”

        A small tear escapes, but Nino nods, doing as Ohno says. Ohno pushes one of Nino’s legs up to give him more room. Eventually, Ohno thrusts all the way in, earning another whimper from Nino, and he stills for a moment to let Nino relax.

        Nino takes a deep breath and his body relaxes. His heart still races and flutters seeing Ohno towering over him.

        Ohno comes back down to give Nino a deep, thoughtful kiss.

        “Are you ready?” Ohno asks. Nino nods and winces when Ohno begins to move.

        Ohno groans and moves fast almost immediately while holding Nino’s hips. Nino’s hands grip Ohno’s arms tightly, moaning happily once the pain subsides.

        “Ah, Oh-chan~~” Nino moans cutely. He lets go of one of Ohno’s arms and strokes himself while Ohno quickens the pace, lost in his own reverie when hearing Nino moan his name.

        Nino comes shortly after on his stomach, moaning loudly, almost squirming underneath Ohno. Excited by such a scene, Ohno comes shortly after. He pulls out and lies next to Nino, their sweaty, sticky bodies gluing themselves together.

        “I hope you don’t mind, I couldn’t get out in time,” Ohno says, embarrassed, blushing.

        Nino looks exhausted, but pleased, “It’s okay, Oh-chan,” he says turning his head and kissing Ohno’s lips gently, “I don’t mind.”

        There is a moment of silence, and Ohno breaks it. “Was it good?” he asks.

        Nino gives Ohno a tired smile, his eyes half closed, “It was excellent.” Nino rolls onto his side and wraps his arms around Ohno’s neck, kissing him tiredly.

        “You know…I actually have a boyfriend,” Nino says.

        Caught off guard but not caring, Ohno kisses Nino’s forehead. “I don’t give a damn.”

 

        The next morning, Ohno is dressed and painting something. Nino is woken up by his phone ringing. Ohno looks over in Nino’s direction, “Your phone is ringing.”

        Nino groans, his body naked and aching, “I know, I know…” He answers without looking.

        “Hello?” he says tiredly, still groggy.

        “Kazu, where are you?” Sho says, worried. Nino realizes that Sho must have come home early in the morning.

        Ohno watches Nino take the call.

        “Ah…I stayed at a friend’s house. I watched a scary movie and I didn’t want to be alone…” he lies.

        “Oh…well at least leave me a note next time. I was worried,” Sho replies.

        “Sorry,” Nino says.

        “Just come home soon, okay?” Sho says.

        “I’ll be home in a few hours. I need to eat and stuff,” Nino says rubbing his eyes.

        “Okay. Stay safe. I love you, bye,” Sho replies.

        “You too, bye,” Nino says hanging up, his head falling back into Ohno’s one and only pillow.

        Ohno continues painting when Nino looks at him from the bed, “That was him, right? Your boyfriend?”

        “Yeah.”

        “Ah…well I’m painting a picture of you,” Ohno says, changing the subject.

        “What of? I hope it’s not my ass,” Nino giggles.

        “Your sleeping face. It’s cute,” Ohno says.

        Nino blushes. “Okay, well I guess that’s fine.” Nino stretches and curls up again. “So we did it, huh? Right on your dirty futon.”

        “It’s not that dirty,” Ohno says, “It’s just been well loved.”

        Nino giggles again and gets up. “I’m gonna go wipe myself off and then I’ll head out, okay?”

        Ohno nods and continues painting.

 

**So you’re cheating physically and emotionally now, and you don’t feel the slightest bit guilty?**

_No, I needed this. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time._

**Then break things off with Sho.**

_I can’t…I love him._

**You love him, but you cheat?**

        Nino cleans and dresses himself and then wanders out to say goodbye to Ohno.

        “I’m leaving now, Oh-chan.”

        Ohno rises from his seat and hugs Nino tightly, “I’ll text you, okay? We’ll get together another time.”

        Nino hugs him back just as tight, “Of course.” He smiles cutely and kisses Ohno before taking his leave.

 

        The apartment is quiet when Nino returns home. Sho is not anywhere in sight, and all the lights were shut off. No one is home.

        Nino sighs and goes to the bedroom and sits on the edge of the bed. He stares at the floor, almost sad that Sho said he’d be home, but he was no longer.

        “I’ll take a bath,” he says to himself.

        He plugs the tub and turns the faucet, filling it with warm water. He adds some bath salts and strips. Wondering where Sho went off to, he quickly grabs his phone naked, and then rushes back to the warm bathroom. He gets in the bath with his phone and texts Sho.

        [Kazu]: Where are you? I just got home. I didn’t even eat anything yet.

        After five minutes, Sho replies.

        [Sho <3]: I got called back in to work. Sorry, babe. There is some leftover chicken in the fridge if you want to eat that for lunch.

        [Kazu]: Okay…I’ll see you later then?

        [Sho <3]: Of course, baby.

        Nino sets his phone on the ledge of the bathtub and soaks in the warm water up to his chin. He thinks about his sexy night with Ohno and his heart flutters. He thinks about Ohno for almost 20 minutes straight.

        “I’m really falling for that guy…” he says to himself, “But I still love Sho-chan…he takes care of me…”

**You don’t love Sho-chan, you love that old man. Not to mention Sho-chan leaves you by yourself a lot, cancels plans with you, leaves you in the dust when the old man will always meet with you and pleasure you.**

        “I believe they both care for me…” he says again, out loud to himself.

**You know, instead of battling yourself, you could drown in this tub, right here, right now. Done. Gone. You won’t have to worry about upsetting anyone, rejecting anyone. Escape your problems. Just do it here.**

        “Doesn’t it hurt? It seems scary…” his voice echoes against the tiled bathroom walls.

**Not at all! Just a few minutes of your time, to end time. I t would be scarier to get hit by a car. Give it a try.**

        Nino gives in.

        He takes a deep breath and scoots his butt forward in the tub so his head would go under water easier. Slowly he lowers his head in, until he takes in one last breath and dips under.

        Water fills his ears so he can only hear his heart beating. His eyes are close so everything is black, but he is surrounded by warmth.

        He holds his breath for 30 seconds. He feels his body screaming for oxygen, but he denies it that right.

        Another 30 seconds pass. Time seems to slow down, the seconds growing drastically longer as the counting in his head grows foggy, his body trying to focus his attention on the need for oxygen; he ignores it.

        A minute and a half goes by; he holds his body down in the tub, his hand knocking his phone to the floor.

        Two minutes and he blacks out, his lungs forcefully taking in water, choking him without his knowing.

        Two minutes and five seconds and Sho finds him in the tub. He pulls Nino’s body from the water and calls to him, but there is no response. He tries rescue breathing and CPR. To his luck, Nino’s unconscious body expels the water and he wakes up coughing, confused, and weak.

        “Kazunari! Baby! Are you okay?” Sho says worried, almost crying.

        Nino’s vision is blurry, but he manages to respond, “I’m sorry…” He coughs hard.

        “What happened?” Sho demands, hugging Nino’s small, wet body.

        “I…fell asleep in the tub,” he says weakly, “I’m sorry, Sho-chan…” He cough heavily some more.

        Sho scoops him up and takes him to the bedroom, “Come on, let’s take you to see a doctor.”

 

\------

_My name is Ninomiya Kazunari, and I hate myself. I tried to drown myself to just get things over with. I wouldn’t have to deal with loving both Sho-chan and Oh-chan, and I wouldn’t have to seek help. I don’t want help._

_I slept with Oh-chan. I wanted to. We don’t even know each other well. When I want to get intimate with Sho-chan, he pushes me away, says he’s tired or he just doesn’t feel like it. We hadn’t had sex in over two months, so I stopped asking._

_I wish I could say, “Have sex with me. Don’t you think I’m attractive?” but I’m afraid of what his answer would be._

_I’m fine on the outside, but I know I’m depressed badly on the inside. I don’t want help from anyone. They’d look down on me._

_I am Ninomiya Kazunari, and I have decided to kill myself._

**I’m glad you’ve finally decided.**

 

\------

        “Hey, Kazu, what about this one?” Sho says, holding up a blue tie to his neck, “Classy?”

        Nino seems distracted but answers, “Ah, hmm…I like the red one better.” Sho grabs the red one and exchanges it. He waits for Nino’s approval. In turn, Nino just gives him a hollow smile and a thumbs up.

        Sho wanders around and Nino follows him lazily. “You can look for yourself too, Kazu,” Sho says turning to him.

        “Naw, it’s okay. I have enough clothes,” Nino replies with a sigh.

        “Don’t you need a new sweater? It’s getting colder out,” Sho asks.

        “Naw, it’s fine. I have enough sweaters…”

        Sho frowns a bit but shrugs it off. They spend the rest of their evening combing through clothes racks in the mall. Sho is around more because he now takes more time off to spend with Nino.

        Nino’s phone vibrates; he has a text. He opens his phone and sees that the message is from Ohno. He giggles and smiles, his whole mood shifting. Sho notices.

        [Old man]: Hey, I miss you ;)

        Nino replies immediately with a big grin.

        [Kazu]: I miss you too, Oh-chan :3 Dinner last time was fun. I’ll pay next time, I promise.

        [Old man]: I don’t mind paying for your dinner. When can I see you next?

        Nino wanders off while texting on his phone and Sho follows him.

        [Kazu]: I don’t work tomorrow; we can meet up if you want.

        [Old man]: I have a dentist appointment in the morning, but I can meet you afterward.

        Right as Nino begins typing his return message, Sho snatches the phone from his hand, “Who are you talking to?” He starts reading the most recent message.

        “Who’s ‘Old man’?” he asks.

        Nino rips the phone back from Sho and closes it, “He’s a friend from work! We hang out a lot. He looks like an old man, so I call him an old man,” Nino replies.

        “Ah, well tell him goodbye, we’re busy,” Sho says.

        “Sorry…” Nino says, opening his phone and replying to Ohno.

        [Kazu]: Sounds lovely. I’ll wait for you at lunch time at our park, okay? Love you.

        [Old man]: Love you too, baby.

 

        They arrive home and Sho is in a weird mood.

        “Hey, we should make dinner together,” he says, digging through the fridge.

        Nino is confused and shakes his head, “I’m too tired and lazy. I just want to watch TV. But you can make dinner!” His tone is playful and Sho enjoys it.

        “Alright alright, I’ll make dinner, but I get a kiss later then, you’re stingy these days,” Sho says pulling out some onion and the leftover chicken.

        Nino doesn’t answer and just watches TV. Sho earns his kiss from Nino and later on, Nino heads to bed early, tired from their day-long shopping trip. Sho, curious and suspicious about Nino’s attitude, communication and his secret phone messages, he sneaks into the bedroom and takes Nino’s phone off the dresser.

        Nino, covered with blankets, hears Sho come in and mess with the buttons on his phone because they make a soft beeping noise. Knowing that there is no way he can stop Sho now, he just lies in bed unmoving, staring blankly at the corner of the nightstand next to the bed.

        Sho enters Nino’s inbox and looks through the messages. They’re either from him, or from this “Old man” guy. He opens some up, and they’re general “what’s up” messages or “let’s meet up” messages, but as he scrolls back in time, they are more intimate. He reads such messages as “How much do you love my ass, Oh-chan?” Sho then reads the response, “Enough to make you scream next time.”

        Shocked and disgusted, his heart racing and breaking, he reads Nino’s response back, “Ahn~ <3 I can’t wait for next time.”

        He stares at the message sadly and shuts Nino’s phone, placing it in the exact place he found it. He stands at the dresser for another five minutes and then goes to the living room and doesn’t come back to sleep with Nino in the bed.

**You’re such a slut, Kazunari. Just die already!**


End file.
